Medically Bleak

Thus how it seems after my appointment with FS on 21/02/2013. He sure did take me out of my misery in an unexpected way! So it turned out that all the cramping was because I was about to ovulate. Yah! you heard right, OVULATING on CD 34+! After probing with a few questions he thought it could either be a cyst or …. that I am in the stage of Peri-menopause. WHAT? That was my reaction and I started praying it won’t and can’t be that.  He scanned, only to be surprised with two follicles; one measuring 17mm and another at 14mm. Seeing these two and a good lining he then suggested that we aspirate and being all natural, you never know.  He went on to explain what could have happened, but by then I was too much in shock to absorb what he was saying and trying to figure out the next step.

Aspirating meant we are getting on the IVF road which comes with expenses. I was to trigger on the day/Friday, and aspirate on Friday/Saturday. Do we have the money, what if like we did the last time the follicles are empty, is this the time, Why, why, why???. I was in a state of confusion. Luckily when I came out of the scanning room, DH had arrived. FS brought him to speed with the developments, and the options we have; to aspirate and ICSI if we find eggs, or leave it and start seriously considering donor eggs. As usual, his last statement was; it’s up to you, you decide. We now had a few minutes to decide what we were going to do. In the confusion we proceeded to the nurse’s station. I explained the situation to my ‘favourate’ nurses and for the first time, I just couldn’t help it, I broke down and cried in front of them. I can’t exactly explain how devastated and confused I was feeling, and at the same time trying to keep things together and look on the positive (two follicles, yet sometimes I don’t even produce any after stimulation), wanting to make the right decision and wanting to believe there is a good reason why all this is happening the way it is. The little voice in me telling me to keep the faith.

One of the nurses then proposed a third option, an IUI. I asked how much it is and the amount was so little that I was baffled compared to IVF. She said we should take our time and think it through, but must still come back to them on the day to get the trigger if we decide to aspirate or do an IUI. Needless to say it was already around 13h00 and they close at 15h30; not much time if you think of it to make such a decision. Off we went to the car, sat and tried to come to senses with what was happening and what to do. DH was of the opinion we just leave it, let nature take its course, I wasn’t convinced of the IVF route (not because of money, that was not a problem because we could pay as we go along), but I thought an IUI followed by BD should improve the chances regardless of DH’s sperm challenges. We disagreed on what to do, so off I went back to work but DH said he would support me whatever decision I reach. I called FS’s offices to organize for DH to pick up the trigger. The nurse called me back advising me that if we have decided on an IUI FS said we must just do it on Friday 22/02/2013, no need for a trigger to keep everything natural as he is convinced I should ovulate either on Friday or Saturday.

I organized a day off work on Friday for the IUI scheduled at 10h00. DH was to deliver his ‘sample’ early in the morning but he ended up only doing so once I got there. Preparing (cleaning) his sample took longer and the lady told me they had to ‘spin’ it twice because its ‘bad’. I didn’t even ask much, just focused on staying positive as it only takes one to make a baby. By 11h30 we were done and off I went home. We BDd over the weekend to maximise the chances… The days following were characterized by numbness (in the 2WW), I somehow managed to continue life as usual. I stayed positive but knew anything is possible. Sometimes I just don’t understand how I manage, hence believe the holy spirit is truly my comforter.

FS had indicated that if ‘nothing happens’, I should expect AF by the 10th of March. I did not even work out when I am supposed to test; don’t know what I did with the test form. I did not have any intention of testing even if AF did not show until maybe two weeks later. Well… ‘nothing happened’, so AF knocked at the door on the 6th of March late evening (CD47). Again, I somehow felt indifferent about it and life continues. On Friday 08 March I then got a message from the nurse asking if I tested and how it went. I later returned her call telling her AF showed her ugly face, and shame! she sounded disappointed. She is such a kind and caring person; that moved me!

Regardless of all that has transpired, my stance stays: Nothing is impossible with God. Nothing!!!

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